Places and Spaces

“The illest regiment is what I represent.” – Q-Tip

by G. Sax

I do shit, yo. Sometimes I wonder if I’m forcing myself to fill gaps, like I can’t be still or something. But I read books. I can sit still for hours on end. I don’t get wigged out on road trips. I can concentrate on something long enough.

No, I’m not gapping. I’m just interested in living. Out loud. Which can be a struggle when I’m the last one in a 50-mile radius awake every night. People like it quiet when it’s dark outside.

So I wear headphones.

I’m still working on that whole getting up on time b.s. How do the rest of you do it? Maybe the same way you finance new VWs, maintain cabins in the northwoods, build homes from scratch, buy 35-foot fishing boats, take cruises in the Caribbean, and so on.

I’m not complaining. For real. I have done and still do plenty of good shit in my life. CarlyGirl is always writing and imaging about the shit that I do. You should check it out, because it’s far more visual than what I provide here.

I keep this site and column up and running as a place to dialogue openly about whatever I want to write. It also serves as a place for good friends to crack jokes and flex their own creative suite 3 (that play on words was brought to you by Adobe). It’s also become a repository for the best capsule movie reviews I’ve ever seen on the Web. I wasn’t really expecting that.

But that’s what I still love and live about Whale Time. A high school folly turned into a worthwhile life philosophy. You think I wasn’t watching those whales floating around in NorCal? Mother and child were straight floating through my old stomping grounds in Vallejo. West Sac, Rio Vista, Richmond-San Rafael Bridge. I watched the drama unfold.

Whales be free. Whale be me.

Ha! That was gay.

“Buckin’ hard like the Coast Guard, who’s soft?” – Q-Tip

What exactly is it that I do if I’m not buying fancy houses, cars, boats, TVs, decks, dishes, placemats, napkins?

What have I been up to in a more general sense? Why don’t I write more funny little sentences about fantastic pizza places that nobody would hear about if I didn’t write about them? Where’s the self-deprecating humor and sliced-open heart that feels the BIG feel with every paragraph wrapped?

Shrug. Haven’t felt like it, I guess. No agenda. I kinda feel like writing for laughter more now though. The speechy stuff can get old quick. I’m conscious of that. I do expect to be doing more frequent and more amusingly mundane writings in the near term, but I’ll say no more on that because the more I talk, the more it doesn’t seem to happen.

A year in review: Going to Minnesota Twins games, eating at new restaurants, walking around new lakes, trekking up to Duluth, taking in the summer festivals, going to St. Paul Saints games, playing softball again, doing it up Milwaukee style, the many weekends with the kids, the swimming pool, the backyardigans at my sister’s place, the changing of the seasons, the hunt for the Winter Carnival medallion (close again), Minnesota Wild hockey games, joining the St. Paul Bouncing Team, working magic in the real estate industry without selling real estate, expanding my skill set, and so on. Living. And living within my means, which can still be a struggle, despite the lack of Cali-style price-fixing.

I’ll try some photo stuff for once. These are some of the things I do and the joints I got. Click ‘em to get bigger images.

Did some exploring in western Wisconsin. Caves are cool, even little ones. And Menomonie/Stout ain’t as backwoods as I thought it would be. I’m already looking to set The Boy up with an education there in five years.

Spring Valley, on the other hand, had few tourist options other than the cave. They try, I’ll give them that, but the smoking bar didn’t seem to have that “family restaurant” feel I was looking for and the lone town deli also offered tanning. Thus, the quickover to Menomonie for a bite.

That pizza place that I haven’t been talking about of late… It’s called Ted’s. Get something with sausage. Homemade and delicious. Before I chose a place to unwind for dinner, I asked a local for advice. The first guy I drove up to was super helpful. I wasn’t at all phased by his machete. You think I’m kidding.

A great Saturday. Day Tripper. It took me so long to find out, but I found out.

When I’m not exploring with Carly and the kids, I’m usually with Tom.

Sure, the St. Paul Bouncing Team is just a bunch of goofy dudes that pull on a blanket that cute chicks bounce on, but it’s an eloquent tradition dating back more than 100 years in Minnesota’s capital city and far longer in Alaska. It’s synonymous with the St. Paul Winter Carnival, but the promotional, parading fun lasts throughout the year. The warm-weather events can be every bit as memorable. Like the Roller Girls championship in late April.

After that Bouncing Team event with the Minnesota Roller Girls, we rocked into the night at Decoys, a bar closer to home on Mainstreet, Hopkins. A local band with national acclaim called The Plastic Constellations played a “bar band” gig in their childhood neighborhood for fun. A far cry from First Avenue but somehow more admirable. It was too loud for the career drunks to handle, but it was good fun for me and the mixed urban/suburban/desolation crowd on hand. A fight broke out somewhere near the pool tables at the end of the night. Probably because ears were ringing and somebody overheard something that was never said.

I work with the dude on the left. Don’t let the first photo fool you. He’s always acting all squiggle blur around the office and shit.

(Getting Real) Old Chicago

G. Sax

I used to have this every-other-week tradition of going to the Old Chicago restaurant in Roseville, Minnesota. It coincided with my weekends with the kids. Atmosphere: Suburban festival. Good for a Friday night. Easy options for the little ones. Plenty of beer choices. But…way…too…pricey. Since when did it cost $60-$70 for some chicken strips, a burger, and a couple of beverages? The lot has always been full in these restaurants no matter where I’ve been across the nation. Has America lost its sense of what constitutes a family meal deal or just its imagination? Home kitchens and dining room tables: Unite!

2 Months in 60 Words

by G. Sax

Arrived in Minnesota in April 2006.

Settle into…

Edina,

Hopkins,

St. Louis Park,

Eden Prairie,

…and western suburban Minneapolis places formerly unknown.

Carly and I acclimate to new jobs and patterns.

I work down the street (ride bike, still no car).

Many friends, family. My kids!

Watch season finales.

Taylor wins! “Lost” finishes strong.

Play softball. Twins! Saints! Duluth!

I’m fat.

Best Films of 2005

Dear Frankie
This Scottish film is a real tear jerker in all the good ways. A young boy thinks that his father is away working on a ship when in fact his mother had fled from his abusive father. When the ship is expected in town, she has to find a father for a day and quick. What unfolds is a true love story. I liked the fact that the boy is deaf is just another part of the story and not used as a pity thing.

Batman Begins
I am a fan of the Tim Burton Batman films, but this is how it should have been done all along.

Me and You and Everyone We Know
The more I think about this movie the more I appreciate it. The most interesting film of the year and the best poop joke ever.

A History Of Violence
Nothing in this movie really surprised me, you know how it will all play out. I just loved the way it unfolded. Viggo Mortensen proves his post LOTR status after the almost disastrous Hidalgo ruined his career.

Good Night and Good Luck
George Clooney is one of the few stars these days that could get away with a black and white movie that is all talking. Good for him!

Murderball
There were a number of great documentaries this year, but this was the best.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
I can’t really explain this movie, but it worked for me. The script is clichéd, but that is the point. That doesn’t make any sense unless you see the movie. The writing style is unique and I hope to see more movies move this way.

Fever Pitch
How can you not love this movie? It would have worked even if the Red Sox hadn’t won the World Series. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were terrific together in this romantic comedy.

Documentaries

There were too many good documentaries this year not to mention them.

Murderball was in my top ten.

Grizzly Man almost made it. The wackiest guy (rest his soul) on film in 2005.

Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill also almost made it. The second wackiest guy on film in 2005.

Gunner Palace. Who says war can’t be fun?

Mad Hot Ballroom. Some of these kids were so funny and genuine I would love to see some of them go into real film work.

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room. If you don’t know about the Enron debacle this is a must see.

March of the Penguins. The highest profile doc of the year. Try to get the original French version with the comedic overtures they had instead of the wonderful Morgan Freeman narration.

No Time for Cold Feet. This will mean nothing to you unless you know about the Winter Carnival and the Medallion Hunt that takes place in St. Paul, Minnesota every year.

Some Other Films I Liked

Brokeback Mountain. I mention this because everyone else will. I liked it well enough, but it had the same clichés of any romance so what’s the big deal? Oh, that’s right. It’s two guys and they are cowboys.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Would have liked it more if they knew how to end it.

Howl’s Moving Castle. I still hope computer animation will not overtake traditional animation.

Stay. I liked the dreamlike way this movie unfolded. Just not original enough for me to love it.

The Weatherman. How can you not laugh at this poor schmuck’s life?

Beyond the Sea. Yeah, Kevin Spacey was way too old for the role, but he loved his subject matter so much that he won me over.

Zathura. A great kids movie and much better than Jumanji.

The Sea Inside. Well, if I hadn’t loved Million Dollar Baby so much…

North Country. This film deserved a better run than it got, and I’m not saying that just because I’m from Minnesota.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It’s How Stella Got Her Groove Back with a crazy grandmother.

Millions. I thought this would be the movie of the year. Great, but not perfect.

Jesus is Magic. I love Sarah Silverman! Even though the movie is 85 minutes, it’s too long. Some very funny stuff though.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Steve Carrell had a breakout year with this movie and TV’s “The Office.”

Not As Bad As You Heard

The Longest Yard. I really liked this remake and don’t get why everyone was so hard on it.

Bewitched. I thought that Nicole Kidman was great as Samantha and Will Ferrell was very funny.

Be Cool. Nope, this sequel didn’t need to be made, but it was worth it for The Rock, who showed that he can actually be good. And funny!

The Dukes of Hazzard. Why the hell did people bitch about this movie? It did exactly what it was supposed to do, so stop complaining!

The Island. No, it was not good, but it wasn’t the worst thing I have seen all year. I think the big problem was the fact that the movie was called The Island and the preview shows the scene of him screaming “There is no island!” That’s the genius of marketing!

Overrated

King Kong. How the hell did they get Kong on the ship?

Broken Flowers. Just because you try to be quirky doesn’t mean it will be worth watching.

The Constant Gardener. I liked it, but I don’t get the hype that was surrounding this upon its release.

Shopgirl. Another movie I thought I would love and I just kinda liked it.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. What an insult that this is performing better than the third film, which was superior in all ways.

Chronicles of Narnia. Ho hum. Someone saw Harry Potter and had an idea for a franchise.

What’s Up With Hope?

by G. Sax

Do you got it? I have it up on point most of the time. It’s ready for my action. It often enters my sentence structure in an overpolite or cliché manner. But it’s there, whether it feels itself being used for trite New Year’s purposes, such as this, or for thoughtlessnesses like “I hope you’re feeling better” and “I hope you have a nice day” and “I hope to see you again around sometime.”

All the same, I have hope. Because why not? What, should I be all like, “I’ll never have a zero balance” or “I can’t do anything about my career path” or “I won’t ever have nothin’ nice.” I am totally capable of negative nellying, but I want to stop that and focus on the hope.

Not no Bill Clinton shit either. I think that’s all real adorable how he used his hometown of Hope, Arkansas, as a political base to launch the bastardization of “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac, but I would rather not drive hope into the ground. Hope is a soap bubble floating on cool air. Hope is a birthday balloon bouncing in a finished basement. Hope is dust specks in soft morning light through vertical blinds.

I hope big. I hope broad. But some of the best nuggets are in the unexpected grouty connections that hold together all things hopeful.

I promise to never lose hope.

How could I? How could I lose it when I am so utterly filled with excitement over the smallest of things? People getting along. Smiles. Envelopes full of cash. Or how about this little gem…

I built a snowman with my children and my niece and nephew. Yes, I currently live where it doesn’t snow but I was in Minnesota for Christmas. So we built this snowman out behind my sister’s apartment, and by nightfall someone had knocked it over. I promptly went back out and rebuilt it. The next morning, someone knocked the head off. I repaired it. Then the head was busted in two. I built a new head. Knocked over again. Tipped back up. Arms busted, eyes removed, smile pulled apart…all rebuilt better and stronger.

My daughter, Anais, helped with a couple of the rebuilds. One time after we were heading back up the back steps, she said with no prompting, “I love you, daddy. And I love the snowman, too.”

That kind of thing will fill you up with hope real fast. I never gave up on that snowman, and it stood proud as I passed it one last time on the way to the airport.

Maybe it’s been knocked over again since I left. I hope not.

I have hope for 2006, and I hope you do, too.